With all due respect. Fucking garbage. Shiney fucking garbage. Clearly good. But not good enough. Not so much trash that I don’t give a fuck about it. I give fucks about it. Clearly. Here are my fucks. I watched it. So there’s a fuck. Yea. The first one was good. So yea. You’ve got me. Great fuckin movie. Sicario. Guns, bombs, bad ass women, dudes using big, cool guns, with killer accuracy as metaphors for having the biggest, baddest dicks, great fuckin movie. Americana. I mean, yea, was it exploiting a real life tragic result of America’s war on drugs for the financial gain? Fuckin hell right it was. Americana. But we overlook that, fuckin good movie. He got his revenge. We love revenge movies. Dude’s family was killed so he killed… like everyone. Cool. I get it. But the second one? Fuckin garbage. It’s just big dicks, blowin shit up and shooting motherfuckers. Fuck. Boom boom boom, busting nuts on my face the entire time. From the beginning, when he pops the guy in broad day light using some fuckin crazy ridiculous trigger pulling trick. By god. Jizzing on my man tits. Busting nuts all over the screen. Fuckin killin him, killin me, killin us. I can’t even remember if that’s the opening shitty scene or if it begins with the other shittiest opening scene I’ve ever seen. Fucking suicide bombers (I’m not even going to describe them because I assume the world has already programmed your mind to imagine and thus stereotype the type of guys who right now you’re imagining would be the “suicide bombers”)… Right, suicide bombers blowing up a super market in where? Fuckin middle America. (And I’m not even going to describe who the people who live and shop at grocerie stores in “Middle America” are because I’m sure you’ve been programmed well enough to imagine who the victims of these imaginary suicide bombers are). But anyways, yea, fuckin explosion of splooge on my face. Not even five minutes into the movie, (maybe five, I can’t recall) I’ve got multiple nuts on my face. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the opening scenes were offensive. I should have ended it there. But Sicario was just so fuckin so good and I’m committed. “It can only get better. I’m no sucker.” Repeats in my head. Shortly thereafter. Just as I finished wiping my face. Got my vision back, right? Fuck me. Here we are, Somalia. What the fuck does Somalia have to do with fuckin Mexico and what the fuck does Mexican drug lords have to do with fuckin middle America suicide bombers?!? Fuck, I’m not even going to go there. I can’t shit on you any more. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Fuckin shitty movie. But. BUT! As I said earlier, with all due respect. Making movies is a hard business and the movie industry provides a shit load of jobs for a shit load of people, so fuck yea. I read the movie cost somewhere between 35 and 45 million dollars to make and grossed somewhere around 75 million dollars worldwide. So fuck it. Not only does this shit provide jobs, but it sells. It takes lots of time, money, people, moving parts, shit like that to not only get a movie made, but make sure its profitbalble. So I guess big dicks and bombs bustin nuts all over tv screens are still in style. Cool. I’m not gonna get all preachy and shit about how I’ve been watching shitty “blockbuster” movies like this for the last 30 years and after all that time, considering the current state of the world, it’s just really irresponsible propaganda, agenda pushing, movie making. At the very least, its just a shitty thing to do to waste so many lives creating bullshit like this. Just dicks busting nuts all over television screens. All for the love of a dollar. Americana. I get it, but I’m not watching the third one.
-Miah’s Movie Reviews
Also, this movie did not come with subtitles.
The Time Traveler 
Leave a comment